Accountability Creates Leverage

Full transcript

Welcome to the Anthony Demon Show. Yeah, we're gonna break down the new direction of the show, where it's headed, and what it means to both of us, and that is accountability and how you can use accountability to help create leverage in your own life. So I want to ask you, as my co-host hopping on here, is what's something that you took accountability for and you first noticed that when you started blaming yourself for it really helped you overcome and move to the next level.

Bad sermon.

Explain.

I used to hire people because they're my friends. I used to hire people because I like them, I think they're cool. I used to hire people based on them saying I could do the job. I used to hire people and surround myself with people just to surround myself with people because entrepreneurship is lonely. I didn't want to be lonely. So I forced people to not force, but yeah, like it's convinced and persuaded them to do this job and or position they played and they had little to no knowledge, they failed, and I continue to keep them until one day I say, What are you doing? I need to take accountability for where my business is, why I'm failing, why I'm not making money, why my profit margins are so small, because you're paying people that are not skilled and don't have the will. And that's why you're making no money, you're dumping your money and giving it away to people that really don't care. And that's why you're not drawing, because when the will is there, the money's gonna increase. And um once I took accountability and terminated people, everything changed. My discernment changed.

But you did you blame them?

No, did you realize that it was your fault? No, initially I blame them, correct. So going back to the question, I initially I blamed them, saying that, oh, it's this guy's fault. Oh, this guy's fault, he's late. Oh, this guy wants to take a vacation with his girlfriend. Then I came back to it. I realized, but at the end of the day, the client is holding me responsible, and that's why you fired. Because it's your fault. The client didn't choose those people that you work with, you chose them. I hire you. Who you hire has nothing to do with me. I don't care who you hire. You chose those people, and that's why you're not growing because you're constantly pointing a finger at other people. But the moment you take responsibility, you take ownership of your life. Because now you decide who goes and who stays. And I it took me years to realize I'm 36. I just realized this three years ago, two years ago. I realized it around 29, but where I started to take action a couple years ago, where I said, no more blaming other people, or this guy's lazy. No, it's my fault. I should have caught he was lazy. So I implemented different things to test whether or not they're suitable for the job. And that's where I get the discernment from now, where he's suitable for the job. Not just because he's cool, I like him. He's suitable for the job. I took accountability now. So if he fails, either I didn't explain something right, I need to do a better job explaining it, but nonetheless, it's my fault. This is my company.

That makes a lot of sense. To me, I mean it started back with the suicide attempt. And I think this is why it it separates the people who don't kill themselves, the people that kill themselves, and how like how to really turn it around. And I know this is deep, but this is really how you think about it. I could have continued to blame all the kids that bully me, all the kids that picked on me. But where was that gonna get me? Like, what what was gonna change? I can't change other people, but who can I change myself? So I took accountability for my own actions, and people can look at that and go, Well, what did you do? Like, what did you do wrong, Anthony? You never made fun of them, you never picked on them, you you never said anything wrong. And that's where people screw up. I think, and this is gonna hit hard. I think that's when most therapists screw up because I went through counseling, I did that whole in school stuff, and oh, it's not your fault, honey. It's okay. Where does that get me? Nowhere. You know when I when it got it, it got to the point I don't want to kill myself. So, what can I change? You know what? I'm really introverted. I have a hard trouble talking to people, right? I'm I'm living inside this little bubble with a couple people and thinking that's my whole entire world. So, what if I open myself up and start talking to other people? What if I start talking to their kids? What if I stalking, like branching my scope out and doing other activities and force myself to talk to people? That's when I start change. When I said, ah, be a different person, change your personality, adapt. And then I learned to fix myself and became outgoing over years and years and years. Okay, now you're gonna be more outgoing, now you're gonna be more outgoing, now you're outgoing, and then started clicking. People started sticking, this is working. Me taking responsibility for myself is working. You know what's sad? I gotta constantly relearn that lesson. And that's the theme. That's what I want to bring it back. It's just so many times in my life. I sit there and I do what everyone does because it's social. It's blame everyone else, blame the government, blame your family, blame your wife, blame your kids. It's everyone else's fault. How many friends do you have? I've had 10 ex-girlfriends, they're all crazy.

That's a good one, right? That's true.

From you. Have you looked inside? Yeah. You think you're perfect? Yeah. You know, maybe you might think you're the sweetest, loveliest person, but what if you like maybe you're picking the wrong people? Maybe it's your people skills. You're not able to determine who's the right fit for you.

That's true.

That is so true.

I know, man, you hit something there. It was a girl that was with, I ended up telling my brother, you know, we broke up all this stuff, and I remember complaining to our brother, she did, she did it. I was saying a lot of things.

He stopped me with it. Let me honest. A lot of those situations that occurred is because of you. Look at how you are. You do this, you do this. You don't take accountability. Maybe some of these actions that you took that caused the person to do this sometimes it proves you too.

Especially if everything you're saying is all you're dumping on all the fault on that person. What did you do? You said something a while back or a couple emissions back. You said you left Sarah for X, Y, Z reasons. But then you realize I'd be the biggest wheel saving my life. I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't until you took accountability, got up, had that moment in like that piffing, you woke up, you got up from off the floor, and realized, I mean I got a problem. I'm working part-time at a desk job, according to the bars at night. You took account instead of saying, oh, I'm not with her because she does this. She gets me angry. When would you beat an egg? Because you did that. Now you're married, you love your life, you have two kids. But it's it started from accountability. It started from that ceiling fan. That's where it began. That's where it began. And everyone needs that ceiling fan moment in their life.

I agree. You had the same thing under your couch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right? It's when you have that epiphany that's like, oh, I'm the reason.

Correct.

And I actually feel bad for the people that never have it. They get stuck.

I don't feel bad.

I feel bad.

Why? Why do you feel bad?

Because I honestly want the best for people. And I would love a world where everyone has succeeded.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That ceiling fan moment comes from you wanting it. That's why I don't feel bad. You said something before too. I said, Andy, do you feel bad for people that work nine to five? You said you work nine to five, you complain. I don't give a rat's ass. No, I don't feel bad for you. The reason why the ceiling, the reason why the ceiling fan moment doesn't come about is because you're too stuck blaming everyone else and complaining. So the reason I don't feel bad is because you have to want that ceiling fan moment. You have to want that couch moment that I you have to want it. You think you just sat down and somebody pulled your hand that needs to lay down and look at the ceiling. Things are gonna change. No, no one told me, yeah, I'll lay on your own.

But you have to figure it out, but you need a society that teaches you that you need to figure it out. So I talk about like where how we came to this. Like what really got me because we were talking prior about like what's what's the point of this? Like, who am I? Ah, the people that bother me the most are the ones that blame everyone else. And to the extreme where it's the government's fault, or the it's teachers that are so afraid to tell people no, you're wrong. It's not no participation trophies, no like free lunch. No, no, it's your fault. You're broke, it's your fault. You're unhappy, it's your fault. It's it lives in that extreme of I feel bad for you. I have empathy, a lot of it, but figure it out. I'm not gonna sit here and sympathize with you and then be like, oh, everything's okay. Like, no, it that shit happened. Now let's move on.

Yes, and it's the sympathy and the pats on the back that keeps this ongoing. This is what keeps it going. You have we have to have that society where people again, you people become accountable for themselves. I I am overweight because of me. Yo, listen, you gotta reach a certain age where you do not blame mommy, dad anymore. It's over. You're 30, you're 25. How long you don't be mom and dad, man? How many years?

But parents now adapt that culture and want that culture because they were so afraid to discipline their kids. Correct, correct. And they never teach the kids that, so the kids keep holding on to mom and dad. Correct. Even when they're 30. This could be an entire episode, but pet peeve, you're 36 years old. You're going to the doctor, and you're bringing mom and dad with you.

Oh, that's crazy.

Instead of your spouse. It happens all the time. You go to the doctor, go to the doctor, go look around.

Really?

Oh, I need my mom here. You're 37 years old. So why do you need that's insanity? What do you mean you need your mom?

This is the dependent minds of dependent minds, and that's why they never grow, and that's why they cannot handle issue real life issues that are thrown at them, and that's why do they do not reach the highest potential?

And you know what ties this all together, like really perfectly? Because I'm not thinking, shh, you hit a cord, man, with this. That's why I never told my parents I got hurt in college.

Really?

I can't. I I sit here and because I talk about it with them, we they always like bring it up in passing. It's like, why did you never tell us like you got hurt? Like we would have picked you up in a heartbeat. We would have taken you out of school. Because I knew it was my fault.

Andy, can you briefly just explain to people that don't know what you got hurt just briefly, real quick?

Yeah, uh February 2020 2010, playing broomball, which is exactly like hockey. It's like a poor man's hockey to like stick balls to baseball. So you're in sneakers on the ice, you're having fun, you get really good at it. I misstepped, fell backwards, took a nasty fall, whacked my head on the ice, ended up being rushed to the hospital that night, massive concussion, fro, her needed every disc in my neck, screwed up my shoulder. Don't remember really three months of my life. I was just on pain medicine and muscle relaxers. And I stayed in school. Like I I very foggy from February to May for me in my life, that time period. But in May, I remember going, talking to the person in charge of the school and explaining like old doctors' notes, like, I need to, I can't take these classes. I didn't attend for three months. Like, we need to work something out. Here's my medical notes. And then I told my parents, like, oh, by the way, I'm not taking these classes because I got hurt. What do you mean you got hurt? And I came home and they saw the ex like how bad it was. And I was like, oh yeah, I can't move my neck. Like, look at me. Like, why the hell didn't you tell us? Like, well, what's wrong with you? It's like I wanted to figure out my own. Because I was, if I rely on other people and I don't take accountability for it, I'm never gonna learn to fix things in my life. I'm always gonna rely on mom and dad. I don't want to rely on mom and dad. I wanna rely on Anthony. I want to build my own accountability system. What caused that? The suicide. Right? It's so it's so crazy when you look back. Because in the moment it doesn't feel like that. But taking a step back, deep, like thinking about this. My mom, as an example, like I would come from crying, you can imagine, right? Every day. Sympathy. It was always sympathy. I was like, which is great. She's my mom. She wanted the best of me, right? But I needed empathy. You hit it.

It didn't really help. It helps with sending sympathy, it also starts to hurt.

It was comforting, right? Correct. It was my mom's there, it's great. She loves me. She cares for me.

But too much it is, right?

But too much, too much. And I learned the benefit of empathy. And I learned the benefit of accountability and how that can help create. And like I look at myself, and I'm gonna ask you the same question, because I think it's relevant. I think a lot of people get everyone's just how happy are you? Like, not happiness doesn't mean every moment you're smiling. Happiness means like you're generally sound in your environment and you're okay with where who you are as a person, and you understand life is shit and there's things going on. Like the poorest people in the poorest countries are usually the happiest when you really look at it because they they understand then. Genuinely speaking, I'm very happy. Like I'm very sound in who I am as an individual. I I and that helps me overcome things. So many people in my personal life, I don't think can say the same thing.

How do you feel? How happy are you? I heard somebody say this recently, and I agree. Well, somebody in the interview said, Are you happy? He said, I don't want to be happy. You can be happy in the morning, sad at night. I want to be filled with joy. Joy doesn't leave you. And I understood what he meant. So there's a difference between like you say, we don't temporary happiness, and then are you truly filled with joy?

Are you truly filled with joy?

Yes. Why? Because of where I came from, the circumstances in which I survived, and the conditions in which I was once in, I outlasted them. And that is stamina. I outlasted those conditions.

I'm not in the compared to other people in your life that have gone through similar situations, who's happy or filled with joy, who is not, and is the primary driver behind that is because Yao took responsibility and accountability for his own actions and they did not.

I'm thinking of as I'm sitting here, I'm thinking of a few names in my head of people that went through similar lifestyle that I went through. They're not in a good place, they're not happy. Um, and yes, and the reason I'm saying that and I'm confirming that that they're not happy. Who am I to say they're not happy? But the reason I'm saying that is because they're either in similar conditions or still making similar mistakes. Why is that? And it's because of what you just said. I one day stopped to say this is my fault. I will no longer be a follower, I will no longer listen to people that tell me do it this way, your way is wrong. I will create my own path, I will take accountability, I will have better discernment. They never did that. How do I know that? Because they're again similar decisions that they say they've been making 10 years ago, they're still making it. So are they truly happy? You can't be, they're constantly complaining. I don't anymore. And your life begins when you realize no one is coming to save you and you take accountability. That's when you become an adult. Is that day you realize no one's coming to save you? And I had to realize that at 23. That was my couch moment, ceiling moment.

But if someone came to save you because they love you, that's the term they use. Would that have made you the man you are today?

No. So I know that for a fact. No, what I used to be saved. So you have kids, and they're older than mine. Yeah, yeah.

When that day comes, you hit me with that and they're going through the shit. You hit me with that! Does Yao come in his dad and save them? No.

No, sorry, I'm too quick to answer. It depends to what extent. Because you still gotta beat it for your kid. I don't care how old my kids are, I'm gonna be there to a certain extent.

What do you say to your kid? They come home, kid beat them up, they're all bruised and bloody. What do you say to them?

Well, luckily for me, I'm already training my kids, but you have to learn how to defend yourself. Self-defense is everything. As just a human animals know how to defend it. So whose fault is it they got beat up? It's theirs. You shouldn't look like that. It's their fault. 100%. 100%. Again, me, I'm training my kids on self-defense now how to defend themselves. And that's something that's extremely, extremely essential, I think, as gonna be you have to learn how to defend yourself. But it's their fault. You failed the test in school, it's your fault. Everything is your fault. The moment you give fault to someone else, you lose your power. You know why? Because you can't change anything anymore. Anthony's your fault. Well said, uh, it's all your fault, Anthony's your fault. So what can you do to change it? Nothing, it's Anthony's fault, so you're useless then. You just said it's all Anthony's fault. So what are you doing then? You're useless. So therefore, if it's my fault, I'm gonna solve it, right? Y'all, yeah. So I don't need you anymore because you're useless. You can't do anything to change our circumstances because you just said it's my fault, right? So buy. And that's what I realized. I was around a lot of people that never took fault. They always want to blame other people. So guess what happens when the problems arise? Y'all had to solve it. So does y'all want to be around those people? Never again. You need to find people that are problem solvers, that take accountability, that change. Those are people that change the role. Those are revolutionaries, those are the people that are remembered, that bring about change. And when problems come, when those hills are too difficult to get over, they find a way. I always found a way. And I need to surround myself with people that find a way to win. Because once you do, and you're that kind of person, two people's unstoppable. A team cannot be beaten when you have the same mindset, when they're on the same accord. The difficulty is in finding those people. But what you have to do first is build yourself. You have to become that wolf first. You have to learn how to hunt. Naturally, you'll start to see because to meet other wolves a lot. I had to teach myself. I didn't understand. I was like, all right, all these guys, I don't get it.

How do you cut people out like that then? Because, right? It's easier said than done. You're like, there's a lot of people, family, friends, loved ones, you're around, you love them to death, but they blaming everyone else. You said they blame everyone else? They're blaming everyone else. They're head, they're talking. It's tough. It's tough to be around people that do that. And it's it's not good. It's not good, it's not good. But you can't also like just blame them for them not changing, right?

Why not?

Because that's blaming someone else.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. So if someone is in your circle family, friend, and they're constantly blaming other people for their mistakes and what I'm saying. I'm 100% blaming it. The reason why your life's not changing is because of you. I'm 100% blaming you. Who else's fault is it? I'm taking I'm taking accountability for my own shiz. You think I'm gonna put the blame on it? It's your fault. And if you don't take accountability, bye. You know why? Because negativity and that kind of energy is a cancer. And you are the you are the average of the five people you hang out with. You hang out with five losers, dude, you're gonna be a six, a swearing everything you are. You know why? Because that's what I was doing. I was hanging on five, six losers. I started to like a quick example. There was one guy, he knows what I'm talking about. There was one guy I was in college, he just wanted to play games and chase girls, video games, wanted to play video games and chase girls all the time. So when I would hang out with this guy at study, I'll never forget he was my uh source of transportation to college at the moment. I didn't have a car. Got a car survived, long story. So there's one time once I say, Yeah, I'm gonna be honest, I had to study for this test. I'm just gonna go home, play some Naruto, do a video game. He's my only uh source of transportation. I said, That's what you're gonna do? So yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. This became a habit. Constantly just doing other things other than studying, and I noticed I started to slack off. This is really I started, he said, let's play D to P. I'm like, yeah, I guess not too bad. Slogue from I started to see my grades drop because of hanging off this guy was a loser. He didn't care about his life. The moment I got away from the guy. I graduated with a three-point. I got away from the guy. So this guy's a bug. He is a loser. This guy just got a freaking 30 on the task and is cool with it, comes home, rolls the pickup, throws it, and it's back to the video games and talking about girls. I said, I'm hanging out with that. This is why I'm doing bad. Because the energy that he's giving off is rubbing off on me. What he's useling is time utilizing his time to do, I'm starting to join him because he's around me. Everything you learn is from the people that teach you when you first bought your parents. You're around people that smoke all the time. Your parents smoke cigarettes, most likely, guess what you're gonna do? Most likely.

You know what's wild? How many times I've had to relearn this lesson? Uh ask my wife. This same lesson, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hundreds.

Yeah.

I wanna I got to the point of suicide, realized I need to change to be outgoing. So I became outgoing instead of surrounding myself with people. Surrounding myself with people that always blamed other people for them not being successful without getting into it. Very much blame the government. It's all the rich people's fault. It's crazy that mindset is crazy. I deserve this kind of money. And I was like, yeah, and I started I thought the same way. I performed. I was like, yeah, you're right, you're right. Then I started getting to that ceiling frame moment and I said, nah, this ain't right. Like, that's wrong. No, I actually disagree with you on that. And then they stopped hanging out with me because of the thing with Sarah, too, it was the same exact time. They were blaming her for the way I was changing. Like, nah, you're wrong. Yeah, you are. Oh, I need to stop hanging out with you. Yes. You're a cancer. Yeah, you are. You guys just keep blaming everyone else. It got to the point, like, you're 26 years old and you're happy you're living with your parents. They would just thought I'd say they're happy they're home with mom and dad. Oh no, that's a problem. I was like, I'm depressed, I'm home with my parents. Of course, bro.

Of course. And and yo, he's oh, it's so funny. I was at hung out with this guy, but he was in the same neighborhood as me. Um, this guy, when I was 20, he's probably 20 years old. He was in his 40s. He was living with his mom and dad. And he was fine with it. He would go to parties, clubs with his friends. These guys are in their late 30s at the time, early 40s. He was fine with it. I didn't hang out with him because I already knew at that early age, I knew this is not right. You shouldn't be in your 40s. Living your mom's dad would be okay with it. When you reach a certain age, you should be taking care of your parents. Shouldn't be the other way around still. Your mom is still paying rent and mortgage, and you're in your almost. Yeah, anyway. But I noticed all his friends were the same. All his friends were the same. Nine to five jobs, cool, nothing wrong with that. But what are you doing to go to the next level? Nothing. We're gonna party on the weekends, go to the clubs, chill, living paycheck to paycheck, debt broke all the time, no type of investments, nothing. Conversations were based on women and what we're gonna do. New girlfriends, there's oh, we're gonna chop or we'll spend a little money, man. We're going to the club tonight. Guess where that man lives today? Both parents have died and passed away. He still lives in the same house. We're talking 20 years later now, 16 to 20 years later now.

The employees I find myself avoiding and then in the firing.

This adults people.

I always look back, I look for trends. Yeah. I can't be around them.

You can't be around them.

They destroy they suck the life out of me.

The complainants, the laziness. This is I'm telling you, this is this is shit. And and and again, uh say this. Nothing's wrong with being an employee. You can be a super employee, you can grow, you can you can you don't have to I have employees that take accountability for everything.

I was about to say, yeah. Come to me and say, Anthony, this is my fault. This summit I I want to be around them more. I was like, please, let's let's work hand in hand together. Like, let's go. Like, that's the people I want to be around.

It's so hard to find those people. Why? Because that characteristic has existed in them long before you met them. And no one stopped it. They didn't stop it, and no one around them has challenged that because they do the same. That's why when they hit a certain level in their life, though they exhibit that behavior. You see it, you see it in the workplace. It follows them. It's at the spirit, it follows the spirit of lazers, the spirit of lack of taking the lack of accountability, of blaming everyone else. That is why they hit the plateau in life. They don't go further. Because you haven't had that ceiling moment, ceiling family, you haven't had that couch moment where I get to stop, reflect on my life, why I am where I am. It's not the government's fault, not my wife's fault. Now I got a lot of kids, I'm busy. Dude, it's your fault that you're gonna go to the grave that way. But it doesn't act.

It's not your boss's fault, it's not your partner's fault, it's not this, it's your fault. It's your it's your fault. Everything's your fault. Look inside what you're doing, take accountability for, figure it out, and then use that as leverage to get ahead of everybody else. Yes. So, y'all, what's something in your life that you have yet to take accountability for that you want to leave on that note?

Yo, it's guy. Um Wow, that's a good one.

Yeah. Me following my brother and mom for so long in terms of um profession. Like them being in the medical field and stuff, and just following in their footsteps and being afraid. Being afraid to say no more. Eventually I did say no, but I take I don't blame my mom. Because I used to blame Allah. Oh, this is what you guys told me to do. You told me to go to do the, you know, go to the medical field and all this stuff. And I wasted a lot of time doing it because I was following them. And my heart wasn't there, I wasn't passionate about it. And my brother still brings it up sometimes, like, oh, you should go back to school. Like, why? Entrepreneurship works. Just because you're not an entrepreneur, you don't like it. It works. Uh making money. I'm making money, I'm fine. Why do I need to go to school? Because his mindset and way of living and just thought and ideology is having a job is security. That's how they think. Some people think like that. Um, they're afraid of those rainy days. There's no one to depend on but you when you're an entrepreneur. And I always blame them. And when that's a it's not their fault. People can only teach you what they know. I'm the first entrepreneur in my family. So it's not their fault. But it's my fault for following for so long. So don't blame them because you're a student loan debt. Don't blame them because you felt like you wasted a lot of time in college and oh I could if I didn't listen to you. At an early age, I stopped that when I that couch and I took calendar away. That's what I would say. No more blaming. It's not their fault today to tell you that. It's not their fault. It's my fault. I had a decision. No one pulled me and said, go sit down in that class and take those tests. I said, Alright, I'll go to school, I'll sign up. So, student old debt, all that stuff, my fault. That's on calendar for.

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. Thank you guys. See you next time. Like, subscribe, share.