The Hiring Boundary That Protects Your Business

Full transcript

What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anthony Neemer Show. We're gonna talk about really bad decisions when it comes to hiring. For example, hiring friends, family, working with people you know personally, and how well that works out for you overall. So, yeah, I know you personally had your brother work for you in the beginning. You mentioned that story going through. Was there anyone else besides your brother they ended up working with?

Yep. My old best friend, um, uh everyone, uh everyone in the neighborhood, different people I met. I all I befriended all of them, and then the friendship started to weigh in with the work, and it was just a big disaster. Has it ever worked out? No, not one time. Why? Because once you become friends with them, they hold you to a certain standard and they think, well, we're friends, and the friendship overrides the work, so therefore I can take advantage a little bit. Um, and I I don't want this to I don't want to make this seem like this episode is bashing people. I think that's corny. That you you you have to be accountable to a certain extent. I I blame myself, hold myself accountable for even hiring people like that. Or rather, I hold myself accountable for becoming friends with people that I hired. Should not have done that. That's the biggest mistake that I made. But I was very young. Um, and now I I always tell my employees now, I just want to let you know first and foremost that we're not friends. And if you become emotional because of that statement, or you can't handle that, that's not gonna work. But I'm telling you straight up right now, we're not friends. We can become friends through working together, but the work is always primary focus. I just want to let you know that right now. But as of right now, we're not friends. You work for me, that's how it's gonna go. I'm gonna treat you with respect, you treat me with respect, let's get the job done and make money. And I notice me being very blunt with people like that, it always works better for me. Just being straight like that, for me, it worked. Like, hey, I respect that. Thank you for telling me that. And it works.

Here's a good, I'm gonna do a setup and then to a question because it's personal for me too. When you first start out owning your own business, it gets lonely. Yeah, right? Yeah, so you start talking to people you hang out with every day. Most people become friends with the coworkers, it's very normal, right? But as an employer, you fall into that trap of starting to bring employees into your personal life.

I don't do that.

Have you ever done that? The biggest mistake, I'm telling you, I've done it. Give a specific example of what you've done in that scenario. Like what something you feel now that you overreached with an old employees that maybe you had them at a party they weren't supposed to be at, or was there like a specific example that you went too much into it so people have context?

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll give you an example. Um dated a girl. You dated an employee? Yeah, yeah. Well, I started, well, we dated first and then brought her into the business. Okay. You ready for this? Yeah. And um basically, I told my girlfriend at the time, this is where I also learned don't work with the people you date all the all this other. You gotta separate it completely. When we got an argument, every man or woman is gonna come home and tell their spouse their thoughts on their employees or who they're working with. It's natural. That's who you isn't natural. You probably told Sarah, Yao's head's huge. Who knows what you told Sarah? But my whole point is you're gonna tell them stuff naturally. So I told her stuff about certain employees. Like, I don't really like this guy too much. I'm gonna let him go. You know, stuff like that. When we got an argument one time, the guy told her I don't like his gonna go. She said, Yao doesn't like you. He said he's gonna let you. She spilled everything in front of the employee. She didn't have your back at all. No, that was disgusting when she did that. And I was like, but you God puts you through stuff for a reason. I believe that. And I learned, be very careful. You see what the girl just did. And the guy's face shot was shot. I was embarrassed. I'm like, I can't believe this girl just said that. But that is the reason you don't, you have to have a door, no one crosses when they work with you. Don't let them in. What is that door? I don't do personal life anymore. You cannot hang out with me. I'm not your friend. You're not gonna get to know my kids. Some other people, they had my family had to be there at the time. I remember one of my friends at the time, we were working together. He said, Yao, before we even got inside, I said, I just want to let you guys know something. We're working and our friends right now. You guys know me. They know me, right? So, like, yeah, you know, don't ask to touch my kids, don't hold my kids, none of them. I don't let anyone around my family, I don't care who you are, that's my feeling. I'm very personal, I'm very private. You're not allowed to pick up my kids. And the rules were set. I mean, that that I had to learn though. Um, but that door is I don't do personal life. I don't want to hang out with you outside the way. I don't want to get a burger. I'm telling you, the relationship thrives more and will go way further when you have that cutoff. I learned, have that cutoff. We work together, we do very well, we have a business relationship, but through that we became friends, but still have that door. My mentor, I knew it for 10 years. I never went to her house until year 11. I never went to her house and dude, till year 11, she finally let me that and the relationship lasted for that long. So you have to have that door with certain people where you can't cross it because people will take advantage and use things against you. Anthony's house is filthy. It starts spreading out. Anthony's wife, she cooks like shiz, dude. What do you mean? He brought me over for dinner, dude. The tacos taste like foot. This you'd be shocked though. And then when that news gets back to you, it hurts. It's like, yo, bro, I invited you over to eat, and I heard, but this is how, unfortunately, this is the nature of people. They will find something to use against you and weaponize it when they see fit. You have to be careful who you let in the door. So you're safer having just the immediate family and those that you want in the door, but separated from business and things go well. And that's why I don't hire friends anymore. I don't do that stuff anymore, dude. I don't. Because you work with a friend, you fire them, they're gonna bad mouth of you. Oh, he's this, he did this. Oh, do you know this? They try to destroy you somehow, and I stopped doing that. That's the door.

Where's the cutoff though? Like, I'm gonna give some specific examples. The hardest one first. Steph outings. Do you do them? Nope. Are you involved in them?

Why are we not? I used to be. I used to do steph outings. I used to everything you're saying, I used to do. Take people to hibachi restaurants, sit down. What about team culture when it comes to outings, having teams get to know each other? Oh, you can no, that's fine. You can do that. There's a few things that you have to keep in mind that you're gonna risk. People are gonna talk about wages, it's inevitable. How much you get paid? How much you get paid? This is that, oh, I deserve a raise. Gossip is going to happen amongst the low tiers. To establish that power and keep that foundation, you have to separate yourself. You cannot be too accessible. When you're too accessible, people feel like people feel like you lose that power. Mystery is power. You have to be able to separate yourself. Team culture, all that, we get it. Let them go out, pay for it, sponsor it. Separate yourself. You have to. Because once they think you're accessible, they lose, and it's sad because I wish it was different. I love people, I love to laugh and have fun, but naturally people will lose respect for you if you were just eating hot dogs and the ketchup hit your shirt and they're laughing. Yeah, they look at a ketchup on your shirt. You look like a dork. Come back on Monday and you try to re-establish that power. Hey guys, you can't do this, this. They you lose that. I'm not gonna take it. What about like Steph Christmas dinners? That's fine. And I think a lot of it has to do with is the way you carry yourself. What kind of person are you? I used to I love to joke and have fun until I learned it backfired on me. Don't do that too much. Oh, I used to do it all the time. Because I'm a f I like to have fun, I like to laugh. I learned don't do that. I had employees at the house.

Oh, your personal house? Oh, yeah.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

Man, it got it got way too much. Because I used to, part of me was getting lonely as I separated myself up. We spoke about yeah, yeah, right. So I would always have employees over, or do too much. My wife would be like, don't do that. Don't do that. And I'd be like, no, honey, you're wrong. It's great. You want them a part of culture. Nah, she was always right.

She was right. No, it's true. And it's sad because people take advantage of you, they talk bad about you. You have to learn not to let people get too close. And that's why people, once I hire someone, I say, I just want to let you know, straightforward, um, we're not friends. My biggest thing is respect. That's it. You respect me, I'm gonna respect you. The moment you don't do it, yeah. You have to lay the ground rules down, but you gotta stay, stick to them. You can't say this, that, and a third, and then you let people over for barbecues. Separate that. People respect you more. It's unfortunate, but that is the way the game goes.

Yeah, like I look at other people in there who own businesses and they still hang out with employees all the time, they do dinners. Nah, I don't know. Those people don't work for them. It's like, why do they still work for you? No, because you're friends, but owning a business is about being friends.

Yeah, and that's and that's another thing. I love what you just said. When you build a relationship with an employee outside of work, it becomes harder to terminate them or call them out on things they're doing wrong. It becomes harder. Because I I I I I guess you yeah, I guess inherently you can just say that the relationship, your personal relationship is on the line also. Keep in mind that please, business owners, if you're paying attention, listen to this. Please know once you fire somebody, 98% of people, you fire them from your business and they're your friend, you just terminated your relationship with them. Please understand that. No, don't think, oh no, she understands. We're just friends. No, no, no. If you terminate them, please rest assured your personal relationship with that person is sabotaging gone. That's what makes it harder. Yeah.

What do you do when you already blurred that line? How to who's like let's say you're an employer, you blurred the line already, you're too close to an employee. What do you do?

Well, they're doing a great job though. What do they if they're not doing nothing wrong? What are they doing? Like, what are they coming? What don't you like? That's what the key to. Maybe their productivity. Oh, it's over. You have to ask yourself, what is your why? My why is for my kids, so therefore no one put.

What are you firing them?

Yeah, 100%.

Are you having that conversation? Yes, I am. You I owe you that much. How do you how do you separate it so you know if there's a gray area? So let me explain what I do. Because I think this is what I had to do for myself. And everyone's different, everyone learns things differently. I realized my biggest flaw as a business owner is those relationships because we're getting too close. So I try learning the lesson, I'm getting better at it, I'm getting better at it, but I told episode about how much I value speed. Right? Yeah. And Anthony's head with that stuff, still fighting, and I'm still fighting that battle of getting too close and getting better at it. So I was like, what can I do? I can hire for my weakness. I know I'm bad at something. It's like I'm better at filming. I'm gonna hire you to do filming, right? Bad is separating the resolution. I'm gonna hire someone as a mental man. And now I stay out of it. They have full control. Fire them, keep them, it's not on me. And it's a lot easier to separate because now I can see things from an outside perspective. You did that. I remember you did that. I did do that. Yeah, I remember you said, yeah. But it gives me that control back that I needed. Correct. So you wow. And now it's not on our relationship, it's on that person. Like, I still might give the go-ahead to fire.

It's still my business.

You're not gonna screw me. Yeah, but if it's strictly just a productivity issue, like you're just not going fast enough, but you're doing your job example, like you're not doing anything malicious, right? I now have a middle ground. Like, no, you have to level up with everyone else.

Oh, yeah, that's what I was about to say.

Like, I'm not you have to level up, you have to move, but now I have someone else that's monitoring that and can make those decisions without me being involved.

So you so okay, so you think one of your weaknesses is you just don't have the capability of finding somebody you know because it's gonna cause you too much pain.

I personally went at the end of the day, but what's the point of getting in my head and getting stressed and losing that mentality?

I see what you're saying.

Yeah, my clarity is the most important thing of this entire company. If I don't have mental clarity, we're screwed, we're not gonna grow and we're not gonna use it. Right. I see what you're saying. So it takes up too much bandwidth leading up to the fire, correct? But I can have someone do it for me, know what's getting done, I can move on to the next thing.

I don't got nothing to do. So when they call you and say, Anthony, what's up, bro? They just fired me. Is that did you give the word on that? Because that happened. It happens, yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. What'd you say? Yeah, you said yeah, yeah. So what's the difference? You just fired it's the same thing, you just agreed because it's the emotional in the beginning. Ah, yeah, yeah. People get so caught up. Like, I've been fired. Have you been fired? Right? Hurts. It sucks, it hurts like heck. So you end up going, and a lot a lot of people just end up going at the employer. Oh, what about blah blah blah? And it gets this emotional bandwidth, and you have to be cold. You're just like, listen, I don't want to do it. Like, after the fact, when you come down 24 hours later, now when you look back and the times you've been fired, was it your fault, yeah? Oh yeah, I just fucking deserved it, right? But it took me time to cool off.

Of course it does. That's why I said, just please rest assured as an employer. If you have someone that's a friend or becomes a friend and you terminate, the relationship is done. I usually give it a 24-hour roll. Oh, really?

Like, if that person gets fired and they call me, I won't call them back till the next day.

Smart. Because you know emotions, yeah, yeah, you know most I it's a lot easier to talk to them.

Yeah, and we get on our conversation about it, not being frank.

But at least they have time to cool off. Do you have anyone here working as a friend? Either location that is working for you. As a direct friend, no.

Okay.

There's no one. So you stop that. Yeah, that's that's done. You will never do it again. No. You learned your lesson. Yeah.

So it doesn't work for you, friends or family. And here's the annoying part. That's what always drove me crazy. Let's say one of your friends reached out to you to help and wanted to do something for them. Oh, yeah, I do. Yeah, if they need it. Yeah. Like they hired you to work for them.

Would you go above and beyond for that person? Yeah. Well, you're my friend and you're giving me a job. So you're not just hiring me because of my skill set, but you like me. You're my friend. That's why you're helping me. So I feel the same exact way.

You hire me? You expect this, I'm gonna give you this. Yeah. I'm returning the favor. But that's what I expect everyone thinks like. No, man. That's what I'm trying to tell you. No, dude. But that's what always drove me crazy. Because I'm always like, well, I would go above and beyond for them, so why wouldn't they go above and beyond for me?

Because I told you before, you give, give, give, and it doesn't mean I'm gonna give back. It means I take, take, take advantage of you. That's how that it's very separate. That's how most people think. You give me and I take advantage of you. That's just the way the game goes. And this is why you don't do friends and family. Because they feel like they're entitled. You owe me. You gotta hire me. Guess what, Anthony? You're not gonna fire me because we're friends. And they know what they think. Anthony. If Anthony fires me, he knows relationships are a lot.

He's a vulnerable moment. I got fired by my parents. Oh, wow. When I was young, I deserved it. Let me be very fair. Okay, accountability. Full on a minute. It was your fault. I was in college, 21 years old. Oh, yeah, yeah. They offered me a part-time gig in the summer to work at the front desk. And I was I oh I bound as an understatement. I thoroughly let them down. Damn. Like went late to work. Oh. Like took advantage and sat around. I full undeserved. But it taught me a good lesson. Of course, of course, yeah. Right? And hindsight, like I would never do that if I ever worked for my parents. I'd go above and beyond more than anyone else to bring ideas, to fix things, whatever. But you have to learn. And even I was an example. They shouldn't have hired me. Just because those are some. They should have hired someone else. Right? I should never hire friends and family.

Yeah, I learned that. It's the it's literally the worst thing. No, let me not say that. It works for some people. Some yeah, because they I know a couple of people. It works for some. It works for some. But I think that the primary difference is you have to establish rules before you start.

Right. So let's tie into partnerships. Right? What are some ground rules if you own a business with somebody? Just overall? That you know, that you're friends with. You and your friend want to start a business. Or you've been working on something together. What are ground rules?

We have to be able, first and foremost, I'm gonna tell him, Anthony, we gotta be able to hold each other accountable. Do not let me slack, I'm not gonna let you slack. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. If you're wrong, you're wrong. And you have to hold yourself accountable.

Can I add to the accountability part of it? I heard this on a podcast and I was like, the closer you are with somebody, like friend-wise, family-wise, in a partnership, like in an owning a business together, the more legal paperwork you need.

Yo, bro. You hit the nail on the head. Yo, bro.

When I tell you hold on, let's take it to both extremes. Your family, we're hiring an attorney, we're going over every single loop at end of what you're responsible for. We're having outs. All of it. Yo. Well, let me flip it. You're a stranger, or like I don't really know you, and you want to do business together, and we like done deals in the past, but we're not friends. I'm more likely to do it off a handshake. Oh no. The people that are the closest to you are the ones that are gonna burn you in that sense. Yeah. But the people that, let's say a couple years, they're contractors, you've been working with them, you're paying them, you have you're not friends, but you're building the business. There's trust there. That trust, because we've done business to say.

I see what you're trying to say now. I'll handshake that deal. Yes, because you trust them. The thing about that, the the and the difference is the different fact, the factor is the people closest to you most times want to see you fail. That is why when you hit a certain level of success, that love they once had for you dwindles away and turns into jealousy and hate.

That's why if you have someone that you both push each other to become successful. Those are the best relationships. Those are the deos you can do up the handshakes.

Yes. Those are the best relationships. I'm benefiting from this relationship, you're benefiting from the relationship. But when you just work with somebody and you start to exceed and go way far and excel in everything you're doing, and they're not going at that same rate, jealousy, Bruce. Because they know you personally and they will always look at you as Anthony from the bar. That's Anthony from the bar. Facts. He's not supposed to be that guy. Wow, does he have that discipline? Anthony, you're moving next year? Where are you going? Oh, I'm going to here, I'm going here, I'm getting a new house. I can't even get a new house. There's the stuff they start telling themselves, and the jealousy starts to brew. Look at this guy with his kids, he's happy. It's a I think jealousy is the most disgusting emotion to me. Disgusting.

And you have that with employees, and that's what I learned with old employees. I would have employees that you know, it's unfair that you live in a multi-million dollar mansion and your parents bought you your business, and I'm only getting $50,000 a year. I had an employee tell me that once.

For real?

Yeah, and I was like, You think that I live in a multi-million dollar mansion and then my parents gave me my business? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, all business owners are rich like that. And yeah, your parents couldn't.

Those are uneducated people. You've never been further from the truth. There you go. Those those are uneducated people. Um, those are people that are entitled and want something just handed to them. They never struggle because if you struggle and you really went through the grinder to get to where you want to be, you wouldn't say that. You would not say that. So those are people that think things are just handed because they see success and think, like again, the guy I know that's wildly successful, his story, I wouldn't want to go through that. The stuff he went jumping out of windows, people trying to kill him, his mom on crack cocaine and all this crazy. You don't know what people went through to be to where they are. Stop judging, stop hating, and get to work. And this is, and uh again, bringing it back full circle to our point, that's why I don't hire friends and family. Because they always remember you as that guy, Anthony from the bar. So anytime you go up, they're jealous.

So who would you create a business with?

Oh, someone that shares the same morals and has the same work access as well.

I mean, how do you find them? Where are you running into them? Where are you creating this relationship? Think from Yeah, right now, like you want to start something with someone who are you going to first?

Well, Anthony and I did the episode on this. Entrepreneurship is very lonely. That's number one. But it comes from networking. You gotta get out there. You have to create. If you want to grow and you want to find those other wolves in your network, we gotta look for events. Like, for example, Alex Hamosi's $10,000 thing, that those are the perfect people. How many people are stepping up? How much are you doing this year? We're gonna make $50 million this year. Those are the guys you want to know. Because $50 million ain't easy to get. But in order to get to these rooms, you have to pay a fee. In order to pay the fee, it takes sacrifice. You have to allocate a certain amount of money to get into the rooms to meet the perfect people you want to meet. Another thing, one guy told me, he said that um his mentor at the time was charging $50,000. I'm not sure for how long. I think it was like a week or two days, something like that. No one paid it. He was the only one. And guess what? That person took him under as a mentee. That was his mentor. Success comes with sacrifice. Power comes with sacrifice, being the greatest. There's people that work to compete, there's people that work to win, and then there's people that work to dominate.

Big difference. So if you don't know, if you don't have $50,000, you don't have $10,000, you're shit broke, you're starting a company. It's sales. Talk about surrounding yourself, people. It's sales 101, being around the people at the right point, right time. And I have a friend who said he was talking to someone. I'm not gonna give a name just for because I don't know when this episode's coming out. Uh but this guy, really famous guy, told him this. And he told me, he's like, Oh, I learned this. He told me, I was like, I've been telling you that for years. Years. It ties into your point. Let's say you don't have $50,000, right? You want to meet successful people. Where do successful people go?

I mean there's a lot of places. Go to affluent neighborhoods, restaurants, golfing, it's different places like that.

Right.

So what do you what does Yao do?

Go around those places. Go to the high-end restaurants. Go to the country clubs. Go golf. Get in those habits where those people are. And you're not gonna talk to you the first time or the second time or the third time you're there, but the fourth or fifth time, they're gonna start building and get, oh this guy comes around a lot.

Here's the problem. Number one, those places are expensive. So where are you getting the funds to do that? Number two, if you don't have any money, you don't have the time because you're trying to make use your time to make money. So how the heck do you get there?

You you you can't tell me you don't have enough funds to go to a restaurant once a week.

How affluent are you talking? Some people don't what do you Anthony, what do you tell those people that really don't have like really don't have money? They don't have money. This has come from you that knows what I'm talking about, trying to survive with the cans. It's come from me. What do you you have no money, like you're starving? Not homeless, but you don't have you have no actual money, dude. You don't have it.

Step one, control your surroundings. You might have enough money, right? Let's take it an example. You have to live in a poor Los Alfo neighborhood. Just hang out at the local parks in the higher end neighborhoods. That's it. You know what's crazy? He's right. We were we were away on vacation, right? And we were in the Charleston area and we were in Mount Pleasant. And women with their kids at the park, we have your son playing in the park, they just start talking to you. And Mount Pleasant is the highest end income area of Charleston. Oh, we hear they have nannies, they're all stay-at-home moms, they all have $10 million homes.

But they just start talking to you. Yeah, you're so right. And it's so funny you said that because I went to the park with my kids, this was like last summer, whatever, and one guy was talking about some type of stuff. I mean, one he was talking about one of his clients buying a plane, some crazy stuff like that. Like he just bought a um Boeing. I'm like, those are the guys you need to talk to. So you're right. Sometimes it's not money. Sometimes you don't need money, man. What I do believe you need is a skill set. Because one thing successful people don't like that everyone around them is trying to do is ask for a handout. Successful people are tired of people coming around for opportunity. What successful people love is people that add value to their life. What can you do for me? Start with that. You gotta build some type of skill set, dude. What are you good at? What can you do for me? Don't come asking me for a minute, because that's what everyone does. It's draining, it's tiring. Instead, your approach should be whatever it's gonna be, lead with your skill set.

Ask them what's going on in their lives, get to know them. Yes, find out what their problem is, solve it. And say, Can I see you next week? I'm gonna have a solution to this problem. Yes.

When you add, and that's any, you add value to someone's life and solve their problems, they value you and they open the doors for you. They open the doors. Well, you did me a favor, you add value. That's why when you get the same thing with clients, the power of referral is powerful. It's it's dude, you be if you do, and that's what another guy was saying, forget about focus on finding clients. Sometimes the clients you scale that you you get more business from is the ones you already have. The reason why you're constantly looking for new money is because you're not cherishing the relationships you currently have that are paying you. How about cherishing the relationships you have, watering them, and then asking? Most of us don't ask. Ask. You'd be so surprised when you say, Anthony, can you help me? Yeah, sure. You're never gonna get help if you don't ask. You know how many times I ask, do you know anyone that needs to be? Yeah, sure, yeah, I'll help you, yeah. Because you've watered my tree. You're helping me grow. I love you. I love your personality and energy. Why wouldn't I want other people to know about you? Ask. And also, I'll leave with this asking will also let you know when that tree that you've been watering has dried out and it's time for you to leave. Because a relationship has to be reciprocated, it has to be reciprocal. You have to get something in return. It can't be just you dumping and using your skill set. You have to ask to know, I helped this guy, but will he do for me? Will you do something for me if I ask? If that person tells you no, well, maybe that's a sign for you to leave that relationship. Or my favorite, I'll get back to you on that. Oh, yeah, those are the games. That's games, that's games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's how you that's how you gauge your relationship. Say, oh, this person doesn't want to see me grow. And sometimes, and I don't leave it like this, sometimes that's fine. If you're getting something out of a relationship, you can't, and there's no expectation or obligations. You can't expect them to help you, but also you have to know where you stand in that person's life. If you ask, Anthony, can you help me with it? Oh, I'll get back to you on that. Now you know, oh, this guy doesn't want to be.

Or let me ask people and see if I know anyone. I hate that.

Oh, yeah, those are games. That's all those are those are games and excuses just to get around the thing.

Life lesson referral one-on-one. If you want to refer someone, make a group chat. The person you're referring, oh, and then that person because it holds up obligated and it shows you did it and do it in front of them.

But go ahead. Yes, directly. And that's the whole point of relationship. Is that Anthony? Let me open my resources to you, man. I think you're a great guy. I love what you're doing. Whatever I can do, yeah. There's no guarantees. You can't get angry if the person does it, but I will do whatever you need to help you, and it's vice versa. And that's enough to show I want to help you grow, Anthony, beyond the relationship we have. It's I will help you with whatever I can help you with. And that's the power of relationships. But start off with people you don't know because usually, unfortunately, the people you don't know in life are the ones that usually want. Strangers will support you more than the people you know.

And the best way to test it is those that hold you accountable for things you do in your life. That's rare though. Ooh, that's rare.

That's that's that one. That person's telling you you fuck up. Yeah, so you shouldn't have done that. Those people, keep them. Yeah, keep them. Embrace them. Yeah, keep them. It's very rare because most people, and a lot of this comes with a lot of people, most people won't tell you that because they're afraid of losing you and what you're gonna say. The ones that tell you that, and as I have a good friend that always tells me, I love it, those are the people you keep because they they care about you enough to say, Anthony, nah, you shouldn't have done that, bro. I don't think that was right, man. Those are the guys you keep.

Let's let's get deep on that for a second.

Let's go.

What about your spouse? Should your spouse tell you that you fucked up?

100%, yeah.

What kind of nonsense is you know are those spouses just supposed to say they love you for no matter who you are and what you do? No, I don't like that. Love is blind.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And it was love at first sight. Yeah, when we saw each other made eye contact, and that was That's nonsense.

Support, yes, but you need a spouse. You know I gotta be careful with this one. You need someone that's always going to put your best interest first and always have your best interests at heart and always be upfront with you, but not one that tells you in a hurtful way, right? Anthony, you freaking suck at this. You should give up. That's a dip, that's different. You may be bad at something, but instead redirect the person.

So Sarah tells me, because we were looking to move like South Carolina or Florida, and she's like, You would do better in Florida. See, that I like that you see what I'm saying? But she's telling me, right? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Freaking awesome. Yeah, yeah. Find someone that's willing to tell you how it is, yeah. But in a nice, respectful way that constantly love you. And here's That's what I was gonna say. Here's a big lesson. Whenever it's a spouse, friends, the people you surround yourself with, what do they say in public in front of strangers?

Oh, ho, oh, that's a nice one right there. I always say respect is determined by how your name is carried in rooms and what are these people saying in your absence?

Right.

So if I'm hanging out with you and somebody else and we're making jokes, then I'm talking, oh, yeah, remember that time you were this and you did this? Yeah, C D. Do you want to associate yourself with the name?

No, no, no, no. I don't, Anthony, I told you, my dude, respect is big. Once I see any slick game, I'll give you an example. I don't even joke around with my friends and say, you're stupid. Oh, shut up. Oh, fuck you. I don't play like that. I don't. You know how people joke and I don't even joke around like that. I don't at all. I do once in a while. Everyone's different. But I know what happens in relationships like that.

Right, but I think there's a difference between oh, like you like sometimes you do this, but like at the end of the day, what am I saying about you?

No, no, no, but no, no, hold on. Here's another thing though. For me, it's more critical and crucial for me to not joke like that because I also come from an abusive background. Do you so you gotta get to know the person like that?

But there's a difference between us hanging out and someone talking about something horrible I did in the past. Oh, yeah, that's disgusting.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I you grow up thinking that's okay. No, no, no, no, no. I did. So I grew up thinking that was okay since I always felt weird about it. Yeah, yeah. And then I realized later in life, like, you know, that was bad. He's bad. I don't want people like trying to belittle me in front of people. Like, I remember talking to my wife and being before we were married and being like, you know, they don't they don't mean it. It's okay. They were talking about me being with other girls, and I was like, it's like disrespectful relationship, disrespectful.

You still friends with those guys? No. There you go. Garbage. That's disrespectful. You don't do that. The guy's married, he's a new life, there's a new start for him. You're talking nonsense about his past is jealousy. Yeah. Yo, man. One thing that I've always, and I I I say my strongest attribute, one of, is I always am straightforward. I don't hold my tongue, man. If you made me feel uncomfortable, you did something, I'm going to tell you face to face. I don't like that you said this, this, that, and the third. And I and I think that I I have, I just I, yeah, disrespect. I don't have any tolerance for disrespect. I don't know.

So just to kind of like summarize and wrap this up and to really bring it full circle. What does Yao promise to do as when it holds to people in your life? Like, how are you gonna hold your friends? You're gonna hold them accountable? How are you gonna hold them accountable? Like, what are you gonna start doing with those people in your life?

I'm not gonna start, I'm gonna keep. My friends know me. What? Holy smokes. I'm the guy to tell you, dude. You this is excuse my language, this is loser shit. This is loser shit. What are you doing? Dude, get your life together, do this, this is this, start investing, stop wasting money on this. Oh, they know me. It's me. I talk. Yeah, they know me. From my girlfriend and my brother. My brother just said something the other day. I said, Oh, hey, I don't like what you said, man. What? You just said this and oh no, that's not what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, man. I thought that's what you meant. I apologize. I'm always gonna call it out because I want people to do that to me, and they do it. Oh, yeah, yeah, you shouldn't have done that. I'm like, you think so? No, and I'll try to defend myself and I'll take accountability. But what you give out, you have to get in return. I love relationships like that. I oh this is that it's not gonna start. I've always done it. I told it to my mom, I just did it to my mom last month. Oh, you did this, and this you have to. I love doing that. People, even if they don't like it in the moment, they learn to love you and respect you because they know if you go to Anthony, he's gonna tell you. If you go to Anthony, you're gonna hear it. And that's why people come to you. Like, I know you're gonna keep it real. Sometimes my my girlfriend will make something or cook something. I don't like this because of this.

Do you tell your wife she looks fat in an outfit if she does? There's a way to say things, of course.

That's the yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I don't like food or I don't like that outfit, or I do it all the time. All the time. But everything is everything is how you say it, it just has to be respectful. That's it. As long as you're respectful, say it, but I don't hold my tongue, man.

So you have to be you have to hold others accountable to expect it back in return.

Exactly. 100% to expect it back in return. Yes, I love that. When you hold others accountable and you can dish it out, eventually they'll give it back. Like, hey, well, I don't like it. Oh, there we go. That's relationship. Because that's how I get better. You keep doing that yes man stuff, I'm never gonna get better.

But it has to come both ways. I mean, because I know people that will get the accountability back after they dish it and they'll be like, no, no, not me. I'm perfect.

No, but you gotta get away from people like that. That's that's what I'm saying. If you have someone that's not no, no, no, you get away from people like that. You're wasting your time. They don't want to take accountability for nothing. Get away from people like that. You need people to say, Yeah, you're right. Love, that's how you both grow. You and John. You need you need relationships that they're rare to find. That's when you only get a few people in life that are gonna care about you, man, and gonna have those attributes. Hold them tight. And if you can't find them, keep searching. Eventually you'll find them. Thank you, guys. I appreciate this.

Yeah, couldn't agree more. So, guys, what's something you're gonna do to hold people in your life accountable? How are you gonna start leveraging relationships with your friends and your family? Comment below, and we'll see you next time. Catch you. Peace.